How Long Does it Take for a Man to Fall in Love?

I have been answering your emails, every day, and the subject of “understanding men” from a man’s perspective has become very popular.
On February 24th I blogged about the 12 ingredients that go into men. Can you name all 12? You need to know these so you can understand men once and for all.
Today I want to talk about the 11th ingredient – How long does it take for a man to fall in love? 
I also want to answer,  “how does a man fall in love?”
A while back I met a beautiful woman from Russia in Delray, FL. No, she was not a paid Russian bride or a spy, haha. We spent three wonderful days together, and then I had to leave and go back to my home in Boston. She was bummed.

how long does it take to fall in lovehow long does it take to fall in love

Women look for milestones while guys are just having fun!

I asked her if she wanted to join me in Boston for the rest of her vacation. She said yes and we had a wonderful time.

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I quickly realized that we were not on the same page. I was getting to know her and having fun living in the moment. Unbeknownst to me, she was sizing me up to be a husband and father.
Her decision, it seemed, was already made.  I was naïve to this, and just having fun getting to know her.
She perceived my invitation for her to join me in Boston to mean that I, ultimately, wanted her to be my wife, because that was her goal.

Guys Take Longer to Fall in Love

So what’s the problem here?
Men don’t fall in love like that. We take our time. It takes us weeks if not months. We might think we are in love and act like we are but we are simply getting to know a woman and having fun.
My Russian girl (let’s call her Alisa) was reading into our relationship differently than I was. I was getting to know her, while she had already determined our fate and anything that did not fit this narrative she ignored.
The irony?
Because she was moving so fast, I never got to know her for fear of really letting her down! It was easier to just end things. Looking back, sadly, I really liked her but I will never know what might have been.
Watch this video with me and world renowned Dr. Helen Fisher where we talk about Love at First Sight.

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In this video you will see resistance from the women on the panel questioning my answer. They can’t possibly know how men feel! In fact, after the shoot the male producer came up to me and quietly said, “You are so right, man!”
Remember also, that my tactics have evolved over my 55 years and are the result of interviewing thousands of men. This is not just “Gregg the dating coach” speaking.
You see, men live more in the moment than women do. We can’t spot our next relationship milestone if it slapped us in the face.

When Guys Fall in Love they Fall Hard

A Man falls in love the moment he realizes that he would rather be with YOU then be with his single friends!
We are oblivious. Falling in love happens to us when it feels right, not at first sight. Women, on the other hand, look at each positive event as a milestone to advance the relationship.
“I met his family”
“He took me away for the weekend”
“He said he loved me when he was drunk”
“His dog lapped my face – destiny!”
I did all these things with Alisa, (my cat licked her face, no dog) but I was not anywhere near my milestone! She would have been better served to just roll with the weekend and let love happen – if it was going to happen at all.

how does a man fall in lovehow does a man fall in love

How does a man fall in love?

Women need to live more in the moment, rack up the memories, and enjoy the process. There needs to be time for both parties to get to know each other before judgement, before the “all in” is declared, and men normally take longer.
That said, some men will take advantage of this time and drag out this period because they have some outside issues and are afraid of commitment. These men are wet kittens and should be avoided. That’s why women should always set reasonable time limits.
So just because he is hitting your milestones does not mean that he is falling in love. My weeding out rules still apply.
If you feel you have met Mr. Right, don’t push him, relax, give him time, and he will come to you!

Wrapping Up

How long does it take for a man to fall in love? Weeks if not months. We don’t check off milestones. Men simply live in the moment. When they do fall, it happens in an instant!
A man falls in love when they suddenly realize they are dating a high-value woman and would prefer being with her instead of their single friends.
I can take ANY scenario, pick from the DNA tree (or the conveyor belt to manhood as I like to call it), and solve your problems that you have with men and now you can too!!
Next week, I will discuss DNA Imprint #12 – Men can get bored easy.

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How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love? Here's What It Depends On

ByLea Rose Emery

Mar 19 2018

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

You may have had friends who say that they fell in love a couple of weeks after meeting someone, but other people can be together for months and months and still not be sure. So how long does it take to fall in love with someone?
If you're questioning why you don't feel "in love" as quickly as you think you should, then it's time to give yourself a break. Because with love, it's often better to think about the long term.
It's not that you can't have strong feelings for someone very quickly — but, often those strong feels will actually be lust or infatuation, which can feel a lot like love in the beginning. So, when it comes to how long it takes to fall in love, you need to give yourself some time to make sure that's really what you're feeling.

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"In my estimation it takes longer than a lot of people think that it does!" relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW tells Bustle. "There’s no one answer or time frame but I generally find that when people say they are in love after four weeks or even after eight weeks they are talking about lust! We can have lust and passion at first sight, but it takes longer than that to really get to know someone and figure out who they are and how the two of you connect. Love is definitely something longer term."
So how long it takes to fall in love can really depend — and, if you're taking a little longer, it might just mean that you're holding out for the real thing. "And of course you should take it at your own pace," Hartsein says. "Even if the person you are dating proclaims their love early on, that’s no reason for you to start questioning yourself and your feelings. Everyone is different."
And, interestingly, it seems like certain factors mean we fall in love more quickly (or think we've fallen in love more quickly). Here are some things that can effect how quickly we fall in love — because it can vary so much from person to person.

Positive Thinkers Can Fall In Love Faster

It makes sense when you think about it — more positive people find it easier to talk themselves into a more positive mindset generally and that includes their feelings toward someone else. “Positive thinking can increasehow much love you have for your partner for several reasons,” Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., a Los Angeles-based psychologist tells Bustle. “First of all, if you are already thinking positively in general, you are much more likely to notice and appreciate those qualities in your partner that you love rather than take these characteristics for granted or or overlook them. Also, if you typically tend to engage in positive thinking, you are likely to be a more open-hearted person in general, as well as towards your partner than someone who tends to be more of a negative or even neutral kind of thinker.” So us cynics out there might take a little longer to fall in love — but that's OK, too.

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Men Might Fall In Love Faster Than Women

It may go against every gender stereotype ever — but that's exactly why gender stereotypes are total BS. According to a study in The Journal of Social Psychology, men fall in love faster than women. The study also found that they expressed it faster — but some experts think this might be more to do with men being more secure in their convictions rather than actually falling in love faster.
"Generally, men are seen as less emotional and may not question their emotions as much as women do," Rachel Needle, Psy.D., licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in West Palm Beach, Florida, tells Bustle. "On the other hand, women are often more likely to analyze their feelings and hesitate before saying 'I love you.' Thus, a man might not actually be in love, but will say it when the feelings are strong and believes that he is. Despite what much of the media and society claims, many men do desire meaningful connections and relationships. They might sometimes fall harder faster, but there is no telling how long that feeling will last."

Can You Train Yourself To Fall In Love?

If you really, really want to fall in love, there is some proof that you can basically train yourself to do it — like Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions experiment. In the experiment, two people asked each other increasingly personal questions over a 45 minute period — and finished with staring into each other's eyes. Did it work? Well, six months after the experiment, one of the pairs got married, so it seemed like something definitely happened. They key is sharing personal information in an environment where you feel trust and support.
“Reciprocal escalating self-disclosure is kind of a long, fancy term that social scientists use. Once we’ve each reveals some vulnerabilities to one another, if it all went well, you feel comfortable and you can reveal even more vulnerability.” Dr. Margaret Clark, Yale University Professor, tells Bustle. "Feeling understood, feeling validated is something that people like." And they like it so much, it might even lead to love.
So there are a lot of different factors that influence how quickly someone falls in love. And that should tell you something very important: it all comes down to you. Falling in love, rather than falling in lust, is a process. If it takes you a little more time, that's totally OK — it'll be worth it.

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